Taking Things Bird by Bird: Using the Wisdom of Anne Lamott for any Big Change or Project
Apr 01, 2021
Today I’ll be sharing one of the BEST pieces of advice I’ve read in recent years when it comes to making changes, something that has been at the core of everything we teach you and do at Brownble, but with a little phrase or mantra that can serve you for life, thanks to the wonderful writer Anne Lamott. I’ll be giving you some starter tips as to how to apply this wisdom to most of the big changes we talk about at Brownble, whether it is going vegan, improving your relationship with food, practicing mindful eating, body kindness, and more.
Many of you read our blog because you want to improve your relationship with food, improve your body image and be kinder to yourself in that way, or because you want to start practicing mindful eating and mindful presence when it comes to food, or because you want to go vegan, have just gone vegan or want to make more vegan choices. No matter the reason, all of this circles back to change.
All of these changes have to do with daily actions, daily steps. They are big aspects of our lives, some of them huge, most of them life changing, but they all come down to small actions taken day by day. I’ve spoken so much about how small steps and changes add up in incredible ways, and how you can make one change, and once comfortable, continue challenging yourself to take another step when that feels right. Still, changes are hard. Big ones are even harder. Changes to the way we eat (whether that’s leaving animal products behind or being mindful and connecting inwards), well, multiply that by a million.
It’s because we do it three or more times a day, every day, that it grows in complexity. It spills over to the world of routines, and routines are often done mechanically, automatically, without much thought, and taken for granted.
Time passes and suddenly we find that we’ve moved away from where we wanted to be and we’re not exactly sure how it happened or how to get back, and if you’re on this path because you’re trying to go vegan, remember that you’re surrounded by people who eat in a totally different way. That, more than anything else, makes this shift harder.
So where do we begin when it comes to making changes, to retracing steps, to getting back on the path that had inspired us?
Oh Anne Lamott, come on in…
I recently read a fantastic book by author Anne Lamott, who writes in that wonderful way they say takes mastery and gold star skills. Her writing seems effortless, breezy, like the best friend you always wanted is whispering into your ear. It is a book completely unrelated to food, body or veganism, and yet, it is absolutely perfect for everything we discuss here.
In the book “Bird by Bird: Instructions on Writing and Life”, Anne talks about how when she was a young child, her brother had had a report to do for school on birds. He had, as many children do, postponed it and postponed it until it was the weekend before the report was due, and he was sitting in front of a kitchen table full of books on the birds of North America. He looked at the thousands of pages and birds before him and almost started to cry. At this point one of their parents comes over and says: “just take it bird by bird buddy”. First the chickadee, then the pelican, then the owl. Just read a little bit about one bird, and write about that one bird. That’s all you have to do: Bird, by bird, by bird.
The book is heavily centered on people who love to write or have an artistic or creative project they dream of doing, but it’s one of the most poignant metaphors for life. Whatever you’re struggling with, whatever you’re hoping to tackle, whatever you’re wanting to change, it can all be broken down into parts and taken “bird by bird”.
Let’s break it down
Taking it “Bird by Bird” when going Vegan
It might mean that you’ll remove one animal product at a time from your diet. Or that you’ll start making your breakfast vegan, then move on to lunch. You might do it like I did it, deciding to be vegan at home to start, then when that feels comfortable, moving on to trying one vegan restaurant a week, or eating a vegan meal in the restaurant you usually go to and seeing how you feel. You don’t worry about how you’ll talk to your grandmother on Thanksgiving if it’s February and you’re on day one. You take it bird by bird.
Taking it “Bird by Bird” when practicing mindful eating
You might be struggling with mindful eating. You vow and promise yourself you’ll be fully present and connected in your next meal, but you get stuck in that scarcity mentality that makes you instinctively eat everything on the plate without awareness or enjoyment on your next meal, bypassing the enjoyment of that meal, then you feel defeated. Start by focusing on eating mindfully on one meal a day, one snack a day, or whatever feels doable.
Mindful eating starts with a mindfulness practice that happens when you aren’t eating, in that way, bird by bird mindful eating could start by following a guided meditation for 5 minutes a day. Then the next bird might be 10 minutes. The next one might be 15 minutes and you realize that you like 10 better and stick with that.
The next bird might be simply stopping at the midpoint of the meal during lunch every day, and tuning inwards before continuing with your meal. The next bird might be focusing on the hunger and fulness scale and where you’re at while you’re cooking or ordering food. This could be your bird for weeks until it becomes a habit to check in with yourself. The next bird could be that when you do eat past fullness, because this is a part of normal eating too, you tell yourself “this bird is normal, so I will not add to the physical discomfort by adding emotional discomfort, I’ll simply move on with my day”.
Taking it “Bird by Bird” when it comes to body image
Trying to be kinder to yourself and the way you talk about your body? You don’t have to let your mind go straight to that 20 year high school reunion happening on a beach where you’ll have to wear a bathing suit (thankfully I’ve never heard of such an event ever occurring). Start with a few words of kindness or appreciation for 2 minutes a day, while you moisturize, while you’re in the shower, while you’re getting dressed.
Bird by bird might also mean doing my “dog exercise” once a day (cats are allowed too), and doing only that. Just as a refresher, this is one of my favorite tools to yank you out of a bad body image moment. When you catch yourself in negative body image banter, try impersonating your beloved pet, the one that looks at you with those sweet eyes every day like you are the greatest thing that ever happened to them, like you are special and one of a kind and cared for. Have them tell you what they think about your body. Don’t have a pet? Do this with your young niece, children, grandchildren, a young child that also looks up to you and loves you, and from there, from that place of kindness, focus on the behaviors and habits that can help you achieve health without obsession or perfection.
The next bird might be a social media purge, letting go of content that no longer serves you, unfollowing or muting accounts that make you feel unworthy or increase "comparisonitis".
The next bird might be doing a closet purge, keeping the clothes that you truly feel comfortable in.
The next bird might be sitting down to journal about the moments in childhood when these body image issues took root, and take your adult self to give that child or teen what they needed.
Taking it “Bird by Bird” when it comes to exercise
Trying to begin or reintroduce an exercise routine into your life? Bird by bird means not worrying about the marathon you might run some day. Maybe first you tackle walking around the block for a week. Then you get to your next bird, which is 2 kilometers. You let the first bird tell you when it’s time to go into the next one.
When to move to the next bird
In my experience this comes as an internal “knowing”, a kind voice that tells you, let’s walk a little more, I feel good today, or hey! You learned this one new recipe that is vegan and everyone in the family liked it. Let’s learn one more.
The book is worth its weight in gold just for the chapters on this bird by bird philosophy, but there’s so much that we can take from the difficulty that is writing, and extrapolate it to our lives. For example, being able to enjoy the process and not just the destination. Being our own cheerleaders and letting go of external critics. Dealing with jealousy when someone gets to a certain place before we’ve even put our shoes on. It is written with writers and artists in mind, but I felt it was such a special mantra we can all remember to use on a daily basis when it comes to change.
We take it bird, by bird, by bird.
If it helps, find one small thing in the life project of your choice, write it on a sticky note and stick it to your bathroom mirror, it can say something like, “hunger fullness level at breakfast”, or “5 minutes of meditation just today”, or “find one recipe for kale”, or, “eat vegan one day this week”, or, “swap the dairy milk for non-dairy milk”, or “your bird wants to just walk once around the block.” We start there. We start where we can.
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